Are we our own prisoners

Imagine a person in a prison. He/she has been imprisoned for life and will wait till death in the prison. What can possibly motivate such a person? What do these people look forward to in their lives? Sometimes, we are also prisoners of our thoughts and our past deeds. We also have nothing else to look forward to. We only have regrets. At least, we can do something about the conditions, but the prisoners can do nothing. Life can be depressing at times. How to inspire ourselves in such conditions? What is inspiration? 'Inspiration' the word as it is commonly understood means to experience a state of mind that propels us to work happily, try to achieve goals, and feel good about ourselves and the world. How to break open the prison? When we are not inspired and can set no goals, we feel that we are so helpless that nothing can be done. The first step would be to try finding stories of people such as Helen Keller who overcame so many difficulties to emerge victorious. That will give us a basic thought that things are not that bad. We will open at least one door of our prison with this thought. Then go back in your memory. Try and think of instances when you felt good because of some achievements. It could be something very small. Anything. Like coming first in the class in your second year in school, or getting a good remark from a teacher for an essay or for a math answer. That will break open another door. Now begin counting your blessings. Do you have a functioning kidney? Can you see? Can you hear? Can you smell? Are your hands ok and so on. Will you sell your eyes for any price? No! Who said that you have no money? You are a wealthy person who is unaware of your wealth, your blessings, Isn't it? This will open one more door. Break the last door open by thinking of the goals you might want to achieve. Believe that you can do that. Start planning. Think of ways. Talk to people. Be ready for a long struggle but with a firm resolve that you will achieve the goals. This will take you out of the prison of your thinking and make you a new person ready to fight. Get set to go ahead. You are a winner in making!

Letting go of perfection

"The power of discovery enables us to achieve excellence without having to be "perfect.'" – Thomas Crum, The Magic of Conflict I arrived at the conference center ready to present my workshop. Almost immediately I noticed the room was too small and it was not set up as requested. There were no flipcharts and there were tables, though I had specifically asked for open space. I caught myself and smiled. I drew the word D I S C O V E R Y in large letters on a piece of newsprint and put it at the front of the room as a reminder. Discovery One of my favorite words, the concept of Discovery excites the brain, conjures up lost treasure, desert islands, new inventions, and old relics, something that was – up to now – unknown. Explorers discover new lands, scientists discover cures for diseases, and philosophers seek to discover the truth. What about discovering each other? Learning what is new and important in each of our neighbors, friends, family, colleagues; what has been lost in the daily grind of work; truths, values, and hopes that are yet to be revealed? Discovery. A lovely word. I first came to appreciate Discovery in The Magic of Conflict, where Thomas Crum describes it as a magical domain that "allows us to move beyond the fight, beyond success, to an open realm of possibility." When we’re in Discovery mode, we are spontaneous, curious, fascinated, and appreciative of life in all its diversity. Young children live in Discovery and sometimes we do. Katharine Hepburn lived a life of stardom but never lost her childlike fascination with people and life. Thomas Edison’s famous quotation after many attempts at inventing the light bulb shows a person in Discovery mode: "I have not failed. I have just found 10,000 ways that won't work!" Perfection What’s the opposite of Discovery? Perfection – a place with which we're all too familiar. In Perfection, things have to be done right, we have to look good, get good grades, and win the games we play. Our standards are high, and failure is to be avoided at all costs. In daily conflicts, sometimes at the expense of our dearest relationships, we have to prevail. When we feel attacked we fight back, sometimes with our own hurtful words, or with behavior calculated to control, manipulate and diminish. Shifting Gears According to Tom Crum, when we shift into Discovery, we treat mistakes as outcomes and conflicts as opportunities to learn and understand more of the world and our partners. We stop being afraid to fail because there is no failure, only increased awareness and experience. We enter a world of wonder, spontaneity, and fun. What Can I Learn Here? We shift into Discovery, not with judgment, but with awareness – by moving from "How can I be right about this?" to: "What can I learn here?" When I'm angry because I just missed a three-foot putt, Discovery changes self-judgment into an opportunity for learning. In the middle of a tough meeting with your department manager, try asking yourself - "What can I learn here?" What is it about this issue that's important to each of us? Upon arriving home, you find your life partner upset. Your first reaction is that it's something you did. But wait! "What can I learn here?" jumps into your thoughts, and you ask: "Honey, you seem upset. Anything I can help with?" And you hear: "I'm just worried that I won’t finish this new project they gave me at work in time." Or your teenager is exhibiting new habits that have you worried. It's worth checking out what the worldview is from her perspective before reaching a judgment. We’ve all experienced moments of Discovery when we break through to a new understanding. It’s a powerful place that we like and want to revisit. The challenge is to choose to go there on purpose, especially in difficult situations. Katharine Hepburn has been quoted as saying, "Wouldn’t it be great if people could get to live suddenly as often as they die suddenly?" Shifting from perfection to Discovery is the way. Try it. Discover for yourself.