When your child turns eighteen

I think as parents, sometimes we think that on our child’s eighteenth birthday, something magical is going to happen. The truth is, they wake up the same person they went to bed as. When my daughter went away to college, I admit to being completely blown away by the amount of students who had never had 100% freedom prior to coming to college. Up until leaving for college, these kids still had curfews, still were asked daily if their homework was done, still faced consequences at home if they did not turn in homework, and were still monitored in many other areas. If you have never been allowed to stay out all night, what do you think a new college student does their first week at school? They end up staying up and out night after night. If you were never allowed to wake up and say “I don’t want to go to school today” what do you think a new college student does the first month of school? They sleep in and don’t attend class. I believe as a parent, it is our job to allow our children the above freedoms in a safe atmosphere where we can guide them. For example, when my daughter was a senior in high school, I allowed her to go out on school nights and she really had no curfew. She did come in a few times at 2am and just couldn’t get up for school. I did write her a note for school and she slept. She missed school work, and now had double the work the next day. She quickly found that this was not a great choice to make. In college, making a choice like this can be much more devastating, if there is a quiz, a test, or a large assignment is due. My daughter was not familiar with academic probation until she got to college and student after student was placed on academic probation. Often, parents do not know the student has been placed on this probation as the entire relationship is between the school and the student. The parents no longer have a voice, or receive any type of notifications, even if the parent is paying all the bills. Most parents I speak with have the same goal. We want our children to be independent happy adults. This can only happen though if we allow them to make choices on their own. I know that when I think back, I did make some bad choices as a teenager. I’ve also made some bad choices as an adult. I’ve learned from those choices and those choices have all led to the person I am today. I continue to make choices and continue to grow as a person. Don’t we want the same for our children? So, while my opening sentence said nothing magical happens the morning of their eighteenth birthday, we as parents can certainly help them into adulthood by allowing them the freedom to be independent.

Mommy baby styles of parenting

: As a parent, you have the opportunity to set the tone in your home based on the style of parenting you choose. You can choose child-centered parenting or family-centered parenting—the differences will be discussed here. Child-centered Parentingo Intensely pursue the child’s happiness, taking great strains to avoid discomfort or emotional stress for the child.o The child receives what she wants when she wants it: no delay, no waiting.These concepts might not sound too bad, but what happens when Mom is sick? Or when Mom & Dad want to leave the baby with a sitter? There is little-to-no freedom in this parenting plan—and the baby will not grow in to a child who understands delayed gratification or how the world works. Additionally, this sets a child up for a bad case of “me-ism”—other people will not matter to her. Her goals and needs are paramount to everyone else’s goals and needs, and the ability to look outward and understand being part of a team will be compromised. Family-centered Parentingo Keeps the baby’s needs met, but within the appropriate context of the family unit.o The child enters in to a team-setting; she is not the center of the universe, but part of the family-team.These concepts might not seem very different from the child-centered approach to parenting, but the results of the two methods are starkly different. Parents have the freedom to meet their child’s needs and look ahead to developing skills and abilities, as they aren’t catering to every fleeting whim or fancy a child might express. Sitters are okay for the family, as the parents will take time out to “date” and be intentional with each other. Because a baby raised in a family-centered plan understands that she is part of a team, she will learn “we-ism,” not “me-ism.” She will consider others as she grows and how her goals and needs can be met within the framework of a team—without compromising the others on the team.You may know people on either side of these parenting styles who go overboard. That’s not what I’m advocating here; a balance must be achieved. Remember these things: Life doesn’t stop because you have a baby Date your spouse Continue those loving gestures you enjoyed before your baby came along Invite some friends over for food and fellowship At the end of each day, spend 15 minutes sitting with your spouse, discussing the day’s events