There s a new sheriff between your ears

Deputy Dawg Days! I recently had a client that wanted to change her ‘self-esteem’. Since I have never seen a ‘self-esteem’ I had to figure out exactly what she was talking about before I could determine whether or not we could change ‘it’. Self-esteem falls into the category of metaphysical beasties that are actually a collection of actions that we try to abbreviate into a thing in order to make ‘it’ easier to talk about. My test of true ‘thingness’ is whether or not the alleged ‘thing’ can be sliced into my weekly pot of gumbo. I suspected her 'self-esteem' failed my gumbo test. After very few minutes of conversation I found that was indeed the case. Her ‘self-esteem’ was a conversational convenience, but therapeutically a major inconvenience. She had a bucket full of habitual thoughts that she would think about herself, most of which seemed uncomplimentary. By linguistically freezing that bucket of thinking (actions) into a frozen ice sculpture thing called ‘self-esteem’ she made a delightful table decoration that was very good at resisting change. Actions are almost always easier to change than things. In NLP lingo this process of de-animating a verb into a noun is called ‘nominalization’. Once I convinced her to disregard the big scary ‘self-esteem’ monster, and start examining the specific thinking that contributed to how she felt about herself, she discovered a recurring pattern. She habitually talked herself into feeling bad about herself. Many of these internal voices that she heard weren’t even hers. Some were the voices (as well as content and tone) of her parents. Some of the voices she heard were past acquaintances. Even her children got to speak their piece on the soundstage between her ears. The result was an ongoing narrative attack of her relative worth. Her internal voices rarely, if ever, made her feel good. There are a few basic points about these voices. First, she is not unique; we all seem to have them. Secondly, while we may recall the first time we heard the voice, we keep playing the voice over and over, whether in our own voice, or the original, like the proverbial, and now archaic, broken record. We do this, even though the historic incident prompting the initial iteration of the voice has long since passed. It’s like we’ve been deputized to continue making ourselves feel bad while the original speaker is off to do other things, lost interest, or even passed on. For all we know, the original speaker may even have changed their mind, and would not be caught dead saying the things we are still replaying. Complicating matters somewhat is the often-observed fact that we rarely, if ever, question the accuracy of these internal voices and the thinking that they express. If they say it, we believe it, and allow ourselves to entertain feelings accordingly. This phenomenon can be problematic until we change the content and nature of that thinking, then it is cause for celebration. If the voices started singing your praises, reminding you of the great things you have done and will do, and you accepted those voiced thoughts as readily as you accepted the less flattering thinking, then the mythical ‘self-esteem’ wouldn’t be an issue. The process we used to change the nature of the thoughts this client was busy thinking was to first change the tone of the voice talking. It is a little difficult to feel too bad when the internal voice berating you is in a squirrelly falsetto, like Alvin the Chipmunk. Then, to impact the significance of the voices even more, I asked her to add calliope circus music to the background. If you have a visual image that accompanies the critical voice, go ahead and paint clown faces on the speakers to go along with the whimsical tunes. While stopping the voices completely is difficult, changing their quality is relatively easy. Making these simple alterations in the voices helped free her from the unpleasant impact of the old voices. She was smiling. We could have stopped there, and I suspect her bucket of thoughts would have been easier to entertain. Of course we didn’t stop. Since she already had this wonderful ready-made piece of internal audio equipment playing, we decided why not use it to play some great thoughts! I had her recall some good things people had said to her in the past. I also had her make up some things that folks would have said had they known how incredible she really was. I did have to coach her a bit on this, but it’s amazing how your brain can start thinking these pleasant thoughts once the distraction of the belittling thoughts is reduced. The resulting good feelings are often sufficient motivation to keep those great thoughts coming. Of course, she may backslide from time to time, but now she knows she has editorial privileges, and can change the content, and the quality of those internally voiced thoughts any time she is ‘of a mind to’. I re-deputized her as the sheriff in charge of making sure she felt good. This is another helpful mind management tip from Richard Lefever and the brain weavers at Quit! Check out our web-site at quitsmokingoregon.

How to dress well like a celeb with a tight budget

Do you want to dress well like a celebrity but do not have deep pockets? Great, then here are some tips for you to take a quick look at: - First of all, know your own figure and your own style. Do not follow trends that do not suit you. Most clothes look great on models like Kate Moss and Claudia Schiffer but do not look as good on us normal women! Remember how many items you bought on impulse last season? And you did not even wear them! Are they the wrong sizes? Wrong style or something you did not need at all? - Look at your closet and make a list of things you already have and you really want to keep. Then make a list of the things that you really want and do you have. We girls like buying designer items to feel good, but that habit really hurts our wallets. Particularly when you go out shopping with a friend, you feel that you need to buy something to keep your head up. Buying from a list will keep you focused and minimise costly impulse buying. - Buy the best quality of clothes and accessories that you can afford. This does not sound like a saving tip, but believe me, high quality clothes will simply look better, last longer, wear less, wash better and as a result, you will save more money than buying lots of inferior-quality pieces that will only last a few wears. - For big items like suits, dresses, coats: buy classic styles. These will stand the test of time and not date as much as clothes bought from the latest trends. Whereas for small items like bags and accessories, buy the most trendy, fashionable ones so you look up to date and go for the brightest colours (they will not make you look fat!). - Buy on sale whenever possible. You can grab the same piece for half or even less money just a few months after the celebrities. Nobody will tell you that it is out of fashion, just for a few months. You can grab yourself some really good bargains on the last few days’ of the sales in famous shops like Harrods and Harvey Nichols. And buy online, on Ebay if you are an Internet Savvy – Make sure that you do read the seller’s review and contact the seller before the sale to ensure the authenticity of goods. - Swap small items like hats and bags with your best friends (of course, those with good taste only). There is no point in spending a lot of money on something you are only going to use once (Well, it will be embarrassing if you wear the same clothes to your important parties). So share them with your friends. Ladies, dressing well does not have to cost a fortune. If you take a little time and a bit of thought to plan for your need, and treat buying your clothes like an investment.

Breaking through the difficulty of learning spanish

Getting ahead of the majority when learning Spanish doesn't happen in minimal time. It could take a lot longer if you don't focus on your goals but, it could also be a fast-phased process if taken seriously. The Spanish language has hundreds of eager learners everyday and the demand to having a good Spanish learning material is overwhelming. But this makes it difficult to choose the appropriate learning material on your own. It doesn't have to be this way all the time, though. There is a way and that is for you to handle. Researching for a good Spanish material is important even before you start to sit down and begin your Spanish lessons. Determine first the reasons why you want to learn Spanish since this brings your search down to the important factors only. Are you learning it for travel purposes? Business tie-ups? Normal conversation with Spanish speaking natives? Choose what is best that applies to you as of the moment to make your learning stage smooth. Less interruptions is better. We mentioned “as of the moment” because if you want to switch reasons in learning Spanish eventually, you can shift so without so much fuss. When you have some Spanish lessons stored at the top of your head, try to ask questions to yourself and answer it back in Spanish. It doesn't have to be a difficult question. You can start by using questions which require only yes or no answers. Remember, these questions are great for the improvement of your Spanish language comprehension. Together with your Spanish practices, do this activity daily. Listening to any Spanish material is an extremely effective way of improving your Spanish speech and vocabulary. Remember how Spanish lines from English movies sink in to your memory easily? It's not so just because it's interesting and appealing but also because it dictates the perfect way of how it should be pronounced. You know the words, spelling and what it means, but pronouncing Spanish words fluently is also a plus factor for which, tells that you have been doing good on your Spanish lessons.

Spirituality information journey in the fields of forever part 17

“That’s one of the main reasons we’re back with you,” said Marla.“There are other reasons, of course, but this is by far the most important. By the time we’re finished with these adventures, there’ll be no need for us to work with you in this way and you’ll go on to finish the task you had set for yourself. You’ll sing your song, you’ll accomplish your mission, you’ll fulfill your destiny, so to say.” “One secret you say? Only one? Aren’t you aware that as we approach the end of the millennium, there are those who talk about ten methods, fifteen steps, various insights or ‘Eleven Secrets of the Universe’? Even Moses had ten laws.” I looked really smug as I said that. “Yes, yes, I know that,” replied Gideon,“but let’s not get too involved in details at this time. Eventually you’ll understand what we mean.” “Gideon,”I said, looking him straight in the eye,“I wasn’t going to bring this up at all, but I have this overwhelming urge to ask. I also know that I’ve asked this before, but I’ve got to ask again. It’s been a number of years since Mardai died. Naturally, the children and I still miss her very much. Sometimes we feel her presence close to us. Does either of you know where she is and what she’s doing? There are times when it feels like it was just yesterday when she died. Other times, it seems like decades.” Marla answered,“Why did I feel that you wouldn’t let us leave without asking that question? We ourselves haven’t been in touch recently, but from what we’ve heard, she is deeply involved in helping recent arrivals to adjust. We do, however, know for a fact, that she keeps an eye on the children and that she’s been around you quite often during your tough times. Again, you’ll probably find out much more later.” It got quiet for a while. Ever since Mardai died we’ve remembered her every day. It’s not like being unwilling to let go, but more of a feeling that there is just a thin veil that separated her reality from ours. During quiet moments, the veil splits for a while and there is contact between the two worlds — hers and ours. I really feel it so strongly at times. I can almost hear the voices of those who have moved away from us into that other world. “Not different realities, John,” said Gideon, breaking into my thoughts, “one reality with different perspectives and interpretations and aspects.” “Gideon, I guess it’s about time for us to leave,” said Marla. Gideon nodded and said, “We’ll be in touch with you again soon, John. We’ll also tell you a little more about the greatest secret of life. Don’t worry, we’ll pop in from time to time.” Marla stood up, walked around the table, held my hand, squeezed it very gently and said, “Don’t look so sad, dear John. Life is meant to be a journey in joy, a major celebra - tion. You’ll see.” She leaned over, gave me a hug and both she and Gideon went out the door waving good-bye as they left. I sat there alone for a while, wondering about these two other-worldly friends of mine who have come into my life on a number of occasions to teach me the secrets of the universe. Now they tell me that there is actually only one secret and they’ll help me find it. I was ready. To read the rest of the story visit spiritual-simplicity

Secret of the millionaire mind . . . yes you can box it up

Secret of the millionaire mind. Wouldn’t you love to go into a store and ask for that? “I’d like one secret of the millionaire mind, please.” Just box it up. Well, unfortunately, Nordstrom’s doesn’t sell the secret of the millionaire mind. In fact, you can’t get it in any store. But . . . That doesn’t mean you can’t box it up. You just have to box it up yourself! You’ll find out how to do that in a second. But first, a few words about the secret of the millionaire mind. The secret of the millionaire mind isn’t as mysterious as many people think it is. It’s not some elusive state that only a few special people can access. In fact, it’s simply the combination of a certain attitude and a certain emotional state. You can easily create both of these for yourself. The attitude you need for a millionaire mindset is an attitude of possibility. In all situations, you must see what CAN be done instead of what CAN’T be done. You must see possible opportunities. You must see possibly successes. You must be open to possible solutions to problems. The emotional state of the millionaire mind is a state of enthusiastic expectation. Millionaires don’t feel desperate about money. They feel excited about it. They have enormous enthusiasm for money and all the ways they can find to make it. Millionaires don’t just wish for money. They expect it. When you combine an attitude of possibility with enthusiastic expectation, you’ve grabbed the secret of the millionaire mind. Now that you’ve grabbed it, all you have to do is box it up. Here’s how you do that: Get yourself a “magic box.” A magic box can be any box you want it to be. You can make a box or buy a box. It can be a beautiful box, a classic box, a silly box, or a wild box. Just be sure it’s a box that delights you. My magic box is a hatbox with a Winnie the Pooh motif because I think Winnie the Pooh is magical. Use whatever tickles your fancy. Once you have your box, fill that box with things that represent the kind of millionaire life you want to live. You can put pictures in the box. You can put lists in the box. You can put mock-ups of things, diagrams, trinkets, miniatures, play money. Use your imagination. Remember, being a millionaire isn’t just about money. It’s about having a certain lifestyle. What would you do if you had the total financial freedom to do whatever you wanted? You want to put representations of these things into your box. And don’t dismiss the power of the magic box (which, by the way, can be used for manifesting anything, not just millions). Here’s a few of the things that were in my box a few years ago: --Three paper back books with my name pasted on the cover in place of the author’s name. --Several one dollar bills. --A little bottle of massage oil. --A small bouquet of silk flowers. --My list of 116 qualities that I wanted in a man. --Pictures of happy couples --The topper of a wedding cake. These items represented two of the things I wanted the most—a good income from published books and a loving husband. I have those things in my life now. The magic box is an excellent way to take the secret of the millionaire mindset and “box it up” in hands-on way that can create real millionaire results in your life. Of course, the box alone, nor the millionaire mindset for that matter, are enough to make you a millionaire. You must take action. The best action you can take to start with is to turn your mind into a powerful magic wand to create what you want in your life. You’ve heard about the Midas Touch? You can create the millionaire touch when you can get your mind working for you. So get started with your magic box. Once it’s filled with what you want, it will also be filled with the secret of the millionaire mind.

How to not reach your goal and be happy at the same time

Recently, I have someone asking me the following question: “I’m a happy person, but I want to achieve a lot of things like confidence in being around with people etc. If I try to achieve these other things like confidence, it will affect the happiness I’m trying to achieve. How can I involve these things into my goals and yet be happy at the same time?” It took me a while to understand his question. (Note: I’ve tried to rephrase his question to make it easier for you to understand). Finally, I realize that he has a conflict between goal setting and happiness. Then I found out that many people are having similar difficulties as well. On one hand, they are trying to keep themselves happy, one the other hand, they are trying to achieving more things. But when they fail to achieve their goals, they become unhappy. This has inspired me to write this article. The problem experienced by the person with this problem is his goal is adding pressure on him, such that it makes him unhappy. That’s because he has defined his happiness as his goal! If he does that, he will NEVER be happy because goal is meant to be achieved, yet happy is a state of achievement. Can you see these two things are totally opposite to each other? You can never achieve something you have not achieved! So how can you be happy? What he has to do is to be clear of the way he define happiness and the way he define his goal. You can read more about the right method to define your happiness at subconscious-secrets/define-happy. php. If he wants to achieve his goal of being confident in meeting people, he can define happiness as “talking to 1 stranger a week”, but he sets his goal as talking to 3 strangers a week. If he defines his happiness and his goal that way, he will be happy if he talks to 1 stranger and very happy if he talks to 2 and extremely happy if he talks to 3! Remember, happiness begins with how you define your happiness. If you mix up your definition of happiness with your goal, you will never be happy!

A cure for depression

Bet you were hoping that I was going to offer some magic pill that you could take to make it all better, well sorry, it doesn’t work like that. The thing is, there is nothing that can stop you from suffering from depression, except you. You might not like this much, but it’s the truth, and that’s why I’m going to tell it to you anyway. Your depression isn’t caused by the partner you have or the one you don’t have or the one that left you. It isn’t your job or your kids or the way you were bought up. It isn’t caused by your abuse or your dysfunctional family or your weight. None of these are the cause of your depression. You are. Think about it, throughout your depression, what has been the one constant, remaining factor? You. Have you ever caught a cold? I’m sure you have. Colds are picked up from outside of us, we inhale them, ingest them, then they grow and make us feel like crap. But you don’t get depression in this way. Depression isn’t something you get, it’s something you do, it’s a process. That tells you can, if you know how to, choose not to do it. Yes it’s a choice. Sorry to all of you who were hoping that the answer would come from somewhere, a packet of pills or a doctor or a counsellor, it won’t. It won’t because you already have it, you already the expertise to cure yourself. You just have to know how to use it. And no amount of drugs, or talking about your “problems” are going to help you find it. You need re educating, you need to learn another way. Yes it’s a choice, I know you’re questioning that part, thinking “well I obviously wouldn’t choose to feel like this.” Here’s the thing, you’ve done it so much, you’ve got good at it. Congratulations, you’ve become a master at depressing yourself. You’re hard wired to go there now, it’s automatic, like a habit, it’s almost as if you have no control over it at all. But you can and you will. I know you’ve tried to change, you tried to fight it, using all of your will power. But making changes to the unconscious using will power is not at all easy, it’s a battle. However, making changes to the unconscious is in fact easy, when you know how to do it, or when you meet someone who’s good enough to do it for you. If you are absolutely committed to changing, I mean totally committed, you can change so quickly. You can change in a day. I promise you, it’s true, I’ve seen it happen, I’ve experienced it myself. It wasn’t cheap and it wasn’t all that easy, but if you pay cheap you pay twice, if it’s as easy to do, it’s easy to forget. If you want to change and you are absolutely committed to doing it, you can do it, you can change in a day. I don’t know what you want from life, I don’t know how your life will be different when you’ve stopped depressing yourself, but I can tell you that it will be completely worth the investment. How much money do you waste each year on warranties, that cost as much as the product you’ve bought, or paying fees that could have been avoided, or putting your money in the wrong savings account, or taking a holiday that you didn’t enjoy? When would now be a good time to invest in yourself? Invest into who you are as a person so that you can grow and feel good about being the worthwhile person that you truly are? Everybody has experienced the loss of someone or something that they care for, and for me, this highlights the necessity for us to live our lives to the full, to live happy and free. For every person that ever told you that you’re not worth it, I’m here to tell you now that you are, to tell you that you can be and will be wonderfully happy and free, so what’s the one thing you need to commit to doing for yourself to let yourself know you are worth it, you are worth ever penny of that change. Someone once told me that success is the greatest form of revenge. Now I’m not saying that you have anything to prove to anyone, but when you change, when you do it for yourself in this way, you will surprise a lot of people who expected little else from you, and that’s a really great feeling. You can change in a day, make a turning point.

Mentally passing a driving test

Nowadays, driving is considered as a very important skill. You could use this skill in cases of emergencies or even for something as simple as getting a change of scenery. Some people learned to drive by enrolling in driving schools while others were taught by their parents or friends. In any case, you would soon require a driver’s license to be considered as road-worthy. This can be accomplished by passing a driving test. It is not surprising that you would become apprehensive when taking a driving test for the first time. Even if you are confident in you driving abilities, you may still feel nervous or anxious. This is quite normal especially if you are one of those people who hate failing in anything. On the other hand, the seriousness of the test can naturally make you worry. Aside from passing a written exam, you will also have to succeed in the practical test. Becoming apprehensive would certainly make you look unprepared. Driving tests are relatively easy to pass as long as you have prepared for it physically and psychologically. When preparing for a driving test, you should try getting enough sleep the night before to help you fell refreshed and relaxed the following day. Getting enough sleep would guarantee that your concentration is at its best. To be mentally prepared for your driving test, you should review what you have learned at least two days before. You can even ask a friend to help you with your reviews. Aside from these, you will have to deal with your nervousness and anxiety. They can be managed through relaxing techniques such as breathing deeply, exercising or meditating. Once you are relaxed you can focus on your driving test effectively. In some cases, the anxiety is so intense that you might feel like you will never be able to finish the written driving test and perform well in the practical part. If this happens, you can always try hypnotherapy before taking the test. A relatively new technique n treating anxiety, hypnotherapy involves hypnotizing the person and making suggestions to the subconscious. It is believed that when a person is hypnotized, the subconscious is more receptive of ideas. A qualified hypnotist can determine the cause of your anxiety and try to manage it. As soon as you wake up, you will be less anxious of the driving test. Hypnotherapy works best if you undergo at least three sessions.

Personal development is a journey

First, let me welcome you to my personal development article. Iґm really excited to be able to share my visions and thoughts about how to attain a better and more abundant life. I have been on this fantastic journey quite a while already - about 20 years by now - and I thought it is about time to share some of my experiences here. Maybe it can be of some help to you. Personal Development is a journey, an inner journey and you will not get there overnight. But since everybody on this planet is on her own unique journey, one day we will all get there - everyone at her own pace. It is a process going along "your" path which keeps changing depending on your view and perspective of life. The adventure of personal development will be much fun but there will be also times when you rather would like to turn around and go back. There might be certain habits you are well acquainted with and they leave you and something new comes into place. You might loose your job because your attitude towards yourself has changed and you donґt fit in that job environment anymore. It is very important not to be afraid of changes. At first sight they might look as if they were negative and we are going to suffer but that is only because we cannot see the whole picture. Our view of existence is limited and directly related to our past and present experiences and the way we live. Personal Development has to do with trust. Trust in yourself, your feelings, trust in existence, in life as such. Nothing never goes wrong, everything has itґs cause and effect, itґs purpose - it is just us who donґt understand. If you walk the road of Personal Development (PD) you have already realized that your potential is far greater than you once thought. You have certainly had glimpses of a different life, other possibilities and potentials. PD opens up a new world of possible life changing perspectives so that at times it might be difficult to decide which way to go. Realizing the greatness of a human being (yourself) has an immediate impact on how your relate to yourself and your environment. Issues like damaged self worth or fear of expressing our thoughts and feelings without thinking about the possible consequences will be resolved on your way and for the first time you will taste the utter feeling of personal freedom. The freedom from oneself. But this is like taking the second step before the first. At first in the beginning everybody who engages herself consciously in personal development has to ask a few questions: What does my life mean to me? What are my goals? Which dreams are going through my mind? What do I fear the most? What are my habits? Which ones have proved useful and which should I drop? What do I expect of myself? Am I responsible or do I throw responsibility on others? What are the things I enjoy doing the most? At which moments do I feel happiness and joy?....and so forth. In our everyday lives we are affected by everything around us. Watching TV, reading the newspaper, going out to dinner. Our lives are overwhelmed with media and information and it is hard to find a quiet place or time to listen to the inner voice which is a valuable resource in our personal development journey. Personal Development is about celebrating your life. It is about learning and education, taking the next step necessary. You are going to realize what a wonderful gift life has given to you and the only responsibility you have is to reach and fulfill all your dreams. True success and happiness comes from within and is living the life you truly desire to live – spiritually, physically, relationally and mentally. Make a commitment today and soon you will have a new passion in your life: Your Personal Development Journey. Summary: What is the meaning of your life? Are you living up to your expectations? What are your dreams? Is your life worth a dime? All these questions are asked when you go on an adventure journey in personal development - the deeper challenge of life.

Forgive yourself to grow

If you are on a path of purposeful personal growth, you will have to learn how to forgive yourself to see progress. Now, before you start balking at the idea, let me give you an example. Remember when you learned to ride a bicycle? I'm pretty sure you didn't just hop on and ride away into the sunset. Instead, you fell off, probably several times until you learned how to balance and push the pedals at the same time. Once you mastered balance, you may have had to perfect your steering so you could turn corners or turn around without crashing. Granted, most people would not consider forgiveness a requirement for learning how to ride a bicycle, but it is there, nonetheless. What would have happened if the first time you fell of the bicycle, you labeled yourself "an uncoordinated loser" and never tried again? Ridiculous, I know. But, you didn't do that, and the reason is you forgave yourself the mistake and got back up and tried again. It seems to be more of a given when learning a new skill that we're not going to get it right the first time. We know we will make mistakes. So, why are we so much more willing to forgive our mistakes in learning new skills like bike riding, than in learning a new skill in creating and living a happy life? Most of us are much harder on ourselves than we are on others, and we tend to hold grudges with ourselves for much longer, as well. But how are you supposed to learn if you don’t allow yourself the room to make mistakes along the way? If you forgive yourself for not being perfect from the start, for not getting it right the first time, you allow yourself to try again and make progress. If you don’t forgive yourself the mistakes you make along the way, you stunt your growth and remain stuck where you are. Everyone makes mistakes. We’re human. It happens. Holding yourself and your growth hostage by not forgiving yourself your mistakes serves no useful purpose. You certainly don’t benefit, and neither does anyone else. So if you want growth, learn to forgive yourself.

Time mangement the ultimate oxymoron

Complimentary English lesson of the day! What is an oxymoron? oxymoron - as defined at dictionary. Noun : conjoining contradictory terms (as in "deafening silence") Can silence be deafening??? Can time be managed??? I can't think of a program that I have ever done that didn't include the oxymoron "time management" as a common problem identified by the participants attending. Since most of my work is with sales people or sales managers I thought I might take a moment and address the issue of time management as it relates specifically to those functions. There are many strategies we can use to get control of the time we have, here are a couple of ideas that might help you. First, let's define the problem and identify that "time management" is really a symptom of the inability to manage and set priorities. No one yet (to my knowledge, call me if you know the secret!) has found a way to manage time. We cannot control the hands on the clock or when the sun rises and sets. We can only manage and control what we do with our time. So, the real issue is not managing time but managing what we do with the time we have, making sure that we spend it on the most important priorities. Second, you must understand and be willing to accept the fact that there will never be a day when you get everything done (except of course the day you die!). Until you are willing to accept that reality that you will be constantly frustrated by your inability to get everything done. More important, however, is that thinking you can get everything done will cause you to make promises of delivery (goods, services, favors or other deliverables) that are unrealistic. Let's make sure we are thinking correctly about the problem or we're doomed to repeat it. If you understand that you can't get everything done, then you must decide what needs to get done and what can be put off (for later, or forever!). Everyday you need to make a list of what needs to get done and then take a minute and prioritize your list. For many sales people a good way to prioritize is getting into the habit of identifying and doing things that have the "highest likelihood of making you money or losing you money". These tasks are often referred to as "money tasks", and are often the most stressful tasks on the list (see post "clean out your locker", 9/24). Particularly, if you are a commissioned based sales person, this will have a great impact on your earning potential and keep you focused on the right tasks. I'm confident that using the "money call" rule will make you more money, try it! In the following months we'll add some other priority management techniques that will help you get better control of your time. For now, set your priorities on doing the things that affect your "pocket book" and I'll bet you'll feel better about how you use your time!

Psychology of the sales professional

One’s attitude has a lot more to do with the level of her/his success than one’s aptitude, ability, IQ, education or other factors do. I’d like to get into the details of a salesperson’s psychology so that, when it comes to building your team and individual team members, you are equipped with the knowledge of what’s really going on in there. As a holder of a management or other sort of leadership position, you may have already experienced being a salesperson yourself. However, it never hurts to review and be reminded of what it’s like to “carry the bag.” I also want to emphasize the mental game because so many companies focus on external things, like product knowledge, licensing, etc. And while these things are all important, companies that focus on such externalities often neglect the cultivation of their salespeople’s proper mindset. I’ve always found this selling mentality ironic, because it’s what’s going on in the inside that will most dramatically affect sales. A direct relationship exists between self-image and sales performance. If you don’t already, try to get a handle on how your reps perceive themselves. What kind of self-talk plays in their brains all day long? You and your team will never experience exponential success if it is not something they can mentally conceive of first. And the major precursor to vivid envisioning of success in the workplace is vivid envisioning of success in oneself and one’s abilities. How can you, as a sales manager, cultivate healthy, solid self-confidence and self-belief? One of the easiest ways to do so is to offer sincere praise. Ra1ph Waldo Emerson said, “Every man is entitled to be valued by his best moments.” There is no need to fear that you will create an egomaniac by giving someone simple but honest praise and appreciation for good, hard work. Often, it is more effective to praise the specific act rather than the person. This way, your praise is attached to something distinct and concrete. Praise is harder to be interpreted as flattery or favoritism when there is a specific and concrete thing being praised. General compliments may produce a temporary effect, but they can incite jealousy in others and create even more insecurity in the recipient if the specific activity that merited the compliment remains unknown. Then there is a new pressure to live up to this higher standard, even though the praised individual is not sure how s/he set it. Even more insecurity is bred if the praised individual fears you will retract your praise. That’s because in not knowing concretely how s/he earned it, s/he doesn’t know how to keep it. One single person feeling this kind of anxiety or insecurity can really cause your entire teambuilding effort to backfire. Have you ever witnessed (or experienced) coworkers who huddled together to complain after a “pep rally” with the boss? Instead of feeling inspired and motivated, all they could do was gripe. Unfortunately, it only takes one person’s bad attitude to drag down the rest. We know that when a specific behavior is praised, that behavior will increase. At a small college in Virginia, 24 students in a psychology course decided to see whether they could use compliments to change the way women on campus dressed. For a while, they complimented all the female students who were wearing blue. The percentage of the female student population wearing blue then rose from 25 percent to 38 percent. The researchers then switched to complimenting any woman who wore red. This shift in the color being praised caused the appearance of red on campus to double from 11 percent to 22 percent. Praise is a simple but often overlooked concept. If you want to use this technique to your best advantage, be sure you give honest and sincere praise. Closely related to praise is acceptance. We all long for acceptance. We want to feel like our actions and contributions help an effort or cause. We all want to be noticed by others. We also all want to be someone of significance who is held in high regard. Knowledge of this common craving from acceptance can help you motivate your team. If you can make them feel that their help is appreciated, that they are personally accepted and that their contributions are essential, they will be more inspired to perform. When your team members feel accepted unconditionally, with no strings attached, their doubts, fears and inadequacies will go out the window. One way to make your team feel accepted is to offer them genuine thanks. Seek to make a conscientious and deliberate effort to thank people in all aspects of your professional life. Don’t assume your team members know you care about and appreciate them. Don’t make the mistake of thinking that a paycheck is thanks enough. One of the main reasons why people are dissatisfied with their sales job is because they are never thanked or given any recognition for their efforts. Often, individuals increase their feelings of acceptance by building their association with certain people, places or things. This sense of identification has been referred to as the Social Identity Theory. For example, a sports fan may enhance his sense of belonging by plastering his walls with his favorite team’s sports paraphernalia. Even though no one on that team has any clue who he is, he feels better about himself anyway, just because of the association and identity he has created for himself with that team. Are there ways in which you can use the Social Identity Theory to your advantage? Think of ways to create strong team association. These methods should be things that are unique to the team and that help team members individually feel like they are “insiders.” Maybe your team needs a mascot, a mission statement or even a theme song. I once knew a sales team that played the theme music from Rocky over the loud speaker every time someone closed a sale. Things like this might seem silly, but they really build team spirit and morale. If you worry that things like this will be distracting or disruptive to your particular workplace, look for ways to adapt. The energy that grows from each team member feeling accepted is worth the effort.